Day One ~
One of the hardest parts of writing (or doing anything that doesn’t come naturally for that matter) is getting started.
It’s always been a challenge for me to just sit down and write. First of all, the words don’t come easily and flow effortlessly and form perfect sentences like they probably do for the gifted writers. I’ve discovered there’s actually an art to it, kind of like baking a cake, and you have to get the ingredients just right – all the right words in all the right places, and if you screw up one ingredient you have to throw out the whole damn cake – delete delete delete start over.
It’s exhausting and frustrating.
And if I’m being honest, writing has become such a burden because I don’t even enjoy it and I have to work really hard to make anything I write make sense and I can’t keep up with my thoughts and even when I am able to capture the perfect words, it never fails as soon as I open my computer the words scatter about and run away just before they evaporate and then, Poof! they’re gone. And then the anxiety immediately sets in as I struggle to find the right words and struggle to form sentences and then after I sit and think and struggle long enough, I end up with a just a bunch of nonsense inside my head and I’m confused as ever and don’t know why I even write or who the heck I am anymore.
What’s worse, I don’t even know if I’m a good writer (kind of like people who sing but can’t hold a tune, but they keep singing anyway even though they suck. I’m pretty sure it’s because something in the universe has called them to sing even though the rest of us think they shouldn’t, but it doesn’t matter to them because singing makes them happy). Anyway, something compels me to write, and so I continue to write, even though it doesn’t make me happy at all and I might suck at it.
That’s the point though, it doesn’t matter whether I’m a good writer or not or even meant to write, what matters is that I write something, not because I want to be a writer, but because it’s how I express myself and part of my Personal Growth Journey is going to require making myself vulnerable and trying new things and writing about my experiences. And while writing isn’t necessarily new to me, sharing my personal thoughts and feelings are (well, that’s not entirely new to me either, but I’ve never been on a Personal Growth Journey before so that part is new and so writing about it is kind of new too).
Anyway, writing about the journey is simply part of the journey and not necessarily the destination.
So for now, I’m going to sing even if I suck
And write even if I suck
And bake a cake
The things I wrote today:
<insert notebook page>
Taking that first step
Paralysis by analysis when you think too much about something analyze to death
Personal growth isn’t flipping a switch and expecting your life to suddenly transform overnight, it’s a journey. I accept this and realize I need to