Things I’ve Learned So Far On My Personal Growth Journey:

  1. Personal Growth is a big commitment and involves a lot of work, so it’s kind of like taking on a second job, except you don’t get paid. It’s actually worse than a job, because besides the fact that you don’t make any money growing (I learned you actually have to spend money, but that’s another point entirely) you have to do all the work by yourself and there’s no such thing as a coworker to pick up the slack when you’re tired and don’t have the energy to grow.
  2. Now that I think about it, I’ve actually never been good at growing anything, except for weeds (that’s not a typo by the way, it’s supposed to be plural) and hair, so I’m still trying to figure out what I was thinking.
  3. While I love a good challenge, the whole ‘having hormones’ thing gets in the way of the whole ‘personal growth’ thing, especially when you have more hormones than you know what to do with on any given day. Which makes me wonder if they’ve invented a procedure yet where some of the hormones can be ejected from my body instead of injected…you know, like how cows and chickens are injected with hormones to make them grow, well, I’m thinking I might need the reverse of that.
  4. It isn’t really all that realistic or humanly possible for that matter, to wear a smile on your face and be happy all the fucking time – unless you’re the Dalai Lama, of course, or drunk.
  5. If you still want to try and be happy all the fucking time, even after you realize it’s not possible, because you’re not the Dalai Lama, you might turn into an alcoholic and then you’ll probably have to go on another Personal Growth Journey just to recover from this one, and probably AA too.
  6. In addition to wearing a smile and being happy all the time, you also have to be nice to people, no matter what.
  7. Drinking makes it a lot easier to be nicer.
  8. You can’t just decide one day on a whim that you want to be a yoga teacher. You actually have to go to a school for yoga teacher training.  But, in order to go to yoga teacher training school you actually have to practice yoga.
  9. You can’t learn to do yoga just from reading articles about it and looking at pictures of other people doing yoga. Based on all the articles I’ve read and the pictures I’ve looked at, I decided I’m probably not cut out to do yoga anymore.
  10. It’s a lot harder than I thought it’d be to be a health and wellness coach and the people who run those schools don’t have a lot of sympathy for people who suck at decision making, so you have to be sure you’re ready for health and wellness coaching school because it costs a lot of money and there’s a 5% penalty fee for people who make impulsive decisions and then change their mind.
  11. The people who run health and wellness coaching schools don’t make exceptions about the penalty fee either. Even when you try to convince them you’re making an honest effort with the personal growth thing, but you have hormones and so you struggle with decision-making, they still expect you to have your shit together before you decide to go to health and wellness school.  I’ll probably have to get a ‘real’ second job now just to pay for that mistake.
  12. You can’t drink or smoke if you want to be a health and wellness coach. Besides having your shit together, apparently you have to be healthy too…and do yoga!
  13. I decided I don’t want to be a health and wellness coach anymore.
  14. Reading articles and looking at pictures on the internet of everyone else who seems to have mastered this whole personal growth thing doesn’t do anything but make you feel like crap about yourself.
  15. You shouldn’t interact with people – especially the ones who seem to have mastered the whole personal growth thing and do yoga – because they’ll tell you things like “I’ve just sold all belongings to move to Bali!” and it’ll make you feel even crappier about your personal growth journey and your whole life altogether. But you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself because they’re probably lying.
  16. Personal growth would be a lot easier if I was living in Bali. In fact, a journey by definition alone involves actually going somewhere, so it seems I didn’t plan very well and wish I would’ve thought of that before.
  17. I don’t think I’m ready for a Personal Growth journey yet, mostly because of the whole hormone thing, but also because I don’t have the time or money to go to Bali.
  18. I should probably lower the expectations I have for myself and wait until I can go on an actual journey or at least leave town for a bit.
  19. If I finish writing this now, I’ll still have time to take a shower and make it to work on time, which is progress, and about as much personal growth as I can handle today.
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